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Pussy too small to fuck

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In what is believed to be the only case in Kenya, the man's mystery condition has left unable to make love and have babies of own due to the eye-watering size of his manhood.

Hanging well below his knees, the enormous member has left year-old Sorence Owiti Opiyo miserable and he's even had to drop out of school due to relentless bullying.

Now Sorence, from Kisumu County, is struggling to work out how his incredible penis won't stop him from living a normal life. Sorence developed the illness ten years ago and was raised by his grandma when he was orphaned at the age of just five years old.

The illness manifested itself through a swelling similar to a boil which made his reproductive organ keep growing dramatically in size.

He has had treatment for the condition, including an operation which has slightly reduced its size — but the member kept on growing and ballooned to almost 10 times the size of an average penis.

Sorence said the condition is painful and stops him from wearing shorts or trousers because the size can't fit in any clothing.

One of his family members told local news website BuzzKenya that he is scheduled for another operation at Jaramogi Oginga hospital in Kisumu.

Subscriptions Sign Out. By Laura Connor. Sorence has been bullied for the size of his member Image: Buzz Kenya. Our free email newsletter sends you the biggest headlines from news, sport and showbiz Sign up When you subscribe we will use the information you provide to send you these newsletters.

Our Privacy Notice explains more about how we use your data, and your rights. You can unsubscribe at any time. Thank you for subscribing We have more newsletters Show me See our privacy notice.

Video Loading Video Unavailable. Click to play Tap to play. The video will start in 8 Cancel Play now. Follow DailyMirror. Loneliness does strange things to people.

You start talking to yourself, having conversations with walls and inanimate objects. Sooner or later, you find yourself fucking these objects.

This is for you short-dicks out there. You know who you are. A bowl of oatmeal provides just enough friction and just enough warmth and gooeyness to simulate sex with cereal.

We are slightly more dignified than that. I mean, uh, you are, you poor tiny man. Start with 4 cups of oatmeal. Cook them per the package instructions.

Then come back here and receive instructions on what to do with your package. Is it cooked? Good, stir in some cold milk. Not too much.

Just enough to get a cookie dough consistency. The cold milk will cool the searing hot oatmeal just enough. Now stick your tiny penis in the oatmeal.

Feeling adventurous? Probably, if you just fucked oatmeal. Welcome to the next challenge. Make sure your guac recipe has lots of jalapenos. Jalapenos provide a grassy, warm flavor.

The capsaicin will also burn your dick off. If you ever beat off with IcyHot and enjoyed the experience, fucking guacamole is for you.

The Aztecs knew what was up. You ever go through a bag of potatoes and find that one. The one that looks like it could gain sentience at any moment?

Its got those eyes and what appear to be nubs of limbs, desperately trying to burst through its starchy shell? They are perfect for your vagina!

Cucumbers, carrots, and a stale baguette of French bread are for losers! Where is the clitoral stimulation? The eyes of your deformed potato.

Shit, you could probably find a potato shaped in such a way to stimulate clitoris, the G-spot and the vagina all at the same time.

Why spend so much on a French Tickler when pleasure is sitting in your pantry? You should probably wash it off first.

You might get impregnated and give birth to Mr. Potato Head. Towels, your gym clothes, it all works. You have about 20 minutes before that shit starts to cool down.

Grab your pile of laundry out of the dryer, stick it right on the floor. Mount it not unlike a lion mounts a lioness. Shit, it might help to pretend you are a lion.

The best part is the geometry.

Pussy too small to fuck

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Ng ga ching , you cheap bastard! Before you got me, you did whatever I asked of you. After you got me, we had to go Dutch on everything.

Ok, that was still fine, but then you started complaining that my tits are AA cups and too small! And you dumped me because of that?

Today, 3 months after we broke up, I want to show you something. Now, take a good look, I have a C cup! And I bet you want to do me again, right?

Comments from Tudou :. Everyone agree? Evaluation complete!!! Although, very creative!!!! I pei [spit]! It has to be a Bowie knife.

Role playing is kinky fun! So, stab a hole in your mattress. Step two, go get some saran wrap and duct tape. Stuff a sheet of saran wrap into the hole, forming a pocket.

Step 3, get some of your favorite lube. Might as well throw some of that oatmeal down in there too. You are commenting using your WordPress. You are commenting using your Google account.

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The Third Horsemen. Skip to content. Home About. You need to find the best receptacles for your genitals.

A Lukewarm Bowl of Oatmeal This is for you short-dicks out there. Guacamole Feeling adventurous?

A Hole in the Mattress The holy grail. Share this: Twitter Facebook. Like this: Like Loading About naheet Writer, cook, artist, chronic masturbater.

This entry was posted in musings , Uncategorized , writing and tagged food , loneliness , love , MacGyver , sex , sex advice , sex with objects.

Bookmark the permalink. Leave a Reply Cancel reply Enter your comment here Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:. Email required Address never made public.

If you think the thing works poorly now, imagine what it would do if the words "difficult to feel you" were to ever tumble carelessly from your mouth.

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that if you're comfortable talking orgasms and, er, fullness with a stranger and thousands of readers, you're no staunch traditionalist, so Have you considered trying toys in the boudoir?

Tell your fella you're fantasizing about spicing things up, and ask him to join you in purchasing some pleasure-prompting playthings. Choose a mix of girthy gadgets for yourself and glovey gizmos for him, too hey, you have to assume it's difficult for him to feel you, too.

Add in some feathered, flavored, or fur-lined fun to throw him off the "you have a small penis" scent. Fullness you can buy.

But a man that you love, who is manually dexterous and makes a regular point of pleasuring you? That's no small thing. My brother moved across the country 30 years ago and, through some luck and a lowering of ethical standards, ended up as a multi-millionaire.

Separately, my mother had been abusive to me and my family over the years, and it got so bad that I couldn't bring myself to see her anymore.

So she finally moved to live near my brother, and now claims to be broke. She refused to co-sign for my daughter's college loan for one of the most expensive schools in the country, and sent her a high-school graduation gift almost a year late because she supposedly didn't have any money.

My wife and I are barely scraping by. We have never experienced so much stress in our lives working endless hours to pay for my daughter's school.

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